From the Sidelines

Parenting an athlete is tough. We want to cheer them on, see them succeed, and maybe even help them achieve things we dreamed about when we were their age. But here’s the thing: our good intentions can sometimes be misinterpreted by our kids, especially when it comes to sports.

In this episode, we explore how parents can strike that balance between being a source of unwavering support and not accidentally making their kids feel like they need to perform for us. We’ll look at research, real-life examples, and strategies you can start using today to create a positive, empowering sports environment for your child.

Transcript

Speaker: 0:01

I'm Dr. Nassim Ebrahimi, and welcome to Becoming My Stronger Me, a podcast designed to help you become stronger in mind, body, and heart. In season two, the mental performance series, we'll explore the intricate relationship between mental performance, sports excellence, leadership, and personal growth to help you become your stronger you. Today we're tackling a topic that's both critical and deeply personal for so many of us. How parents can support their child's athletic development in ways that encourage growth, confidence, and long-term success without accidentally piling on pressure. Let's be real. Parenting is tough. Parenting an athlete, that adds another layer. We want to cheer them on, see them succeed, and maybe even help them achieve things we dreamed about when we were their age. But here's the thing: our good intentions can sometimes be misinterpreted by our kids, especially when it comes to sports. Today we're gonna dig into how parents can strike that balance between being a source of unwavering support and not accidentally making their kids feel like they need to perform for us. We'll look into research, real life examples, and strategies you can start using today to create a positive, empowering sports environment for your child. Let's start by looking at why your role as a parent is so important in your child's athletic experience. Sports are an incredible way for kids to grow, not just physically, but emotionally and socially too. They learn discipline, teamwork, resilience, and the value of hard work. But here's the catch. How kids experience sports is often shaped by their parents' involvement. Research has shown that when parents focus on support rather than pressure, kids are more likely to enjoy sports, stick with them, and handle the challenges better. On the flip side, when parents overemphasize performance, whether it's winning, scoring, or being the best, kids can feel overwhelmed, leading to burnout or even quitting altogether. In fact, did you know that 70% of kids quit sports by the age of 13? A big reason? They say it's no longer fun, and often parental pressure is part of that equation. As parents, it's not about walking on eggshells or staying silent. It's about being intentional with how we show up for our kids. They don't need us to be their coach. They need us to be their biggest fans, their safe space and their support system. Now let's put ourselves in our kids' shoes for a minute. Imagine you're 10, 15, maybe 17 years old. You're on the field or court, you've been working hard, and maybe you make a mistake, you miss a shot, drop a pass, you already feel bad about it. Then you look up and there's your parent, arms crossed, shaking their head, or maybe even yelling instructions from the sidelines. What do you feel? Embarrassed? Stressed? Like you let them down? That's not to say parents are intentionally critical. In fact, most of the time, we're just trying to help. But for kids, subtle things like focusing on what they could have done better instead of celebrating what they did well can feel like pressure. And that pressure builds up over time. For example, if you're constantly talking about stats winning or how other players are performing, your child might start thinking their worth as an athlete and maybe even as your child is tied to how well they perform. And that's heavy stuff for a young mind. So, how do we provide the kind of support that helps our kids thrive without accidentally making them feel overwhelmed? Here are some practical strategies. One, focus on effort, not outcomes. This is a big one. Kids need to know that their value isn't tied to the scoreboard. Instead of saying, why didn't you score today? Try something like, I loved how hard you worked out there. You were really hustling. Highlighting effort, improvement, and persistence reinforces that success is about growth, not just results. Let's take a look at a real life example. Let's say your child plays basketball. Instead of commenting on missed shots, you could say, I noticed how much energy you put into defense today. Your hustle really stood out. This tells them you see their effort, not just their mistakes. Number two, be their safe space after games or practices. Kids don't always need feedback. Sometimes they just need you to be there, to listen, or to give them a hug. Instead of jumping in with advice, try open-ended questions like, what did you enjoy most about today's game? Or what's something you'd like to work on next time? Why do you think this works? Well, it gives your child the chance to process their experience without feeling judged or rushed. Plus, it shows them you're there to support, not critique. Number three, let coaches do the coaching. Here's a tough one for a lot of parents, me included. Let the coach be the coach. I know it's tempting to step in, especially if you have an athletic experience, but kids need consistency. Hearing conflicting advice from their parent and coach can be confusing and sometimes frustrating. So what can you say instead? If your child asks for feedback, try saying, What did your coach suggest? Let's work on that together. This approach reinforces their coach's guidance while still showing you're invested in their growth. Number four, celebrate the joy of sports. Remember that sports are supposed to be fun. Celebrate the moments that bring your child happiness, whether it's making a great play, sharing a laugh with teammates, or just enjoying the game. For example, on the car ride home, instead of dissecting the game, ask, what was the most fun part of today? This helps shift the focus away from performance and back to why they play in the first place. Number five, manage your own expectations. This one's a little introspective, but it's important. Take a moment to reflect. Are your goals for your child aligned with their goals? Are you unintentionally projecting your hopes onto them? Why does this matter? Well, your child's athletic journey is theirs. Maybe they love soccer, but they don't want to play in college, or maybe they do, but they're feeling unsure about it. Having open, honest conversations about their goals can help you both align your expectations and keep the focus on their happiness and growth. So let's talk about when to step back. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is take a step back. If you notice your child losing interest, becoming overly stressed, or even avoiding conversations about their sport, it's a sign that maybe they are starting to feel burned out. So what can you do? Give them space to take a break if they need it. Shift the focus to other activities or hobbies they enjoy. Remind them that it's okay to reevaluate their relationship with sports. It's not all or nothing. At the end of the day, sports are just one part of your child's life. What really matters is the person they're becoming, the confidence they're building, the friendships they're forming, and the resilience they're learning through challenges. Your support as a parent can be the foundation for all of that. So as you cheer from the sidelines or chat with your child after practice, remember your role isn't to be their critic or their coach. It's to be their safe space, their biggest fan, and their unwavering support system. By focusing on effort, listening more than advising, and keeping the joy in sports, you'll help your child grow into not just a better athlete, but a stronger, more confident person. Until next time, stay supportive, stay encouraging, and keep becoming your stronger you. Until next time, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast, join our Facebook group, send in your stories and feedback. And if you're looking for a mental performance coach or want more information, go to www.becoming my strongerme.com. I can't wait to hear from you.