Fear of Success

We all know about the fear of failure—but what about the fear of success? In this episode, I unpack a mindset pattern that quietly limits athletes, coaches, and even parents: the tendency to hold back just as things are going well.

Drawing from psychology, sport science, and real-life examples, I explore why some athletes shrink when the spotlight gets brighter, how fear of success differs from fear of failure, and what research tells us about impostor phenomenon, fear of positive evaluation, and self-handicapping.

You’ll also hear practical strategies to help athletes own their wins, coaches to create environments where success feels safe, and parents to support their athletes without piling on pressure.

Whether you’re on the field, in the classroom, or navigating life beyond sports, this episode will give you the tools to step into success with confidence.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

I'm Dr. Nassim Ebrahimi, and welcome to Becoming My Stronger Me, a podcast designed to help you become stronger in mind, body, and heart. In season two, the mental performance series, we'll explore the intricate relationship between mental performance, sports excellence, leadership, and personal growth to help you become your stronger you. Today we're tackling a mindset pattern that often stays hidden in plain sight. The fear of success. Now, when I say the fear of success, some people pause. They say, wait, I understand the fear of failure. That makes sense, but the fear of success? Who's afraid of winning? And yet, if you've ever felt yourself shrinking just as things were about to go really well, or suddenly playing it safe right after a big breakthrough, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. This is that moment when you've trained, you've prepared, and the opportunity is right in front of you. And instead of leaning in, you pull back. Not because you doubt your ability, but because of what success might mean. Higher expectations, more visibility, new pressures, or even shifts in how others treat you. That's what we're diving into today. So, what do we mean by fear of success? Back in the 1970s, psychologist Mattina Horner conducted some fascinating research on this. She asked participants to imagine themselves succeeding in scenarios where people of their gender weren't typically seen as successful. What emerged was the idea that people can actually anticipate negative fallout from success, things like jealousy, social isolation, or losing a sense of belonging. And rather than risk that, they sometimes unconsciously step back from the spotlight. Modern psychology has given us even more language around this. Some researchers call it fear of positive evaluation. Think about that for a moment. It's not fear of being criticized, it's fear of being noticed for doing well. Because with that praise comes the expectation to do it again, to maintain that standard. And for some, that feels more stressful than failing. Athletes sometimes experience it through what we know as imposter phenomenon. If I succeed, people will realize I don't really deserve it. That little voice that says, I just got lucky, or I fooled them this time, but next time they'll see the truth. Others create excuses in advance, what's called self-handicapping. For example, an athlete might say, I didn't get much sleep last night, or my quad feels off. So that if they underperform, there's already an explanation ready to go with it. It protects their ego, but it sabotages their performance. So while the fear of failure is about avoiding embarrassment if you try and then fall short, fear of success is about avoiding the pressure that comes after you succeed. So why do athletes experience this? For athletes, the fear of success shows up in unique ways because sport is such a public stage. When you move up a roster or have a breakout game, suddenly everyone's watching. And visibility brings pressure. A soccer player who had an incredible performance might feel like the next game is a do or die for proving it wasn't a fluke. A young gymnast who earns a top score now knows that score is expected at every meet. The fun of performing can get replaced by the weight of expectation. There's also a social piece here. When athletes rise quickly, friendships and roles can shift. Suddenly you're the starter instead of the bench player or the captain instead of the rookie. Sometimes success can feel isolating, and the fear of losing that connection can be powerful enough to hold someone back. And then there's the spotlight itself. When the lights are brightest, athletes can start to overthink. They begin monitoring every movement, trying not to mess up. Instead of letting the skills they've trained take over. We've all heard the phrase choking under pressure. And part of that choke can be linked to the weight of success. So how does fear of success show up in sports? Picture a soccer winger who takes on a defender twice, beats them both times, and gets the crowd going. Instead of keeping the pressure on, she suddenly starts playing safe and passes it backwards, almost as if to hide. Or think about a sprinter who hits personal bests in practice but then falls back off in a meet, maybe complaining about a minor ache as a reason to hold back. Or a goalkeeper who makes a string of brilliant saves, but then deflects every compliment afterwards with it was just luck. These are all different shades of the same pattern, shrinking away from what comes after success. So, how do we start working on this as athletes, coaches, and even parents? One way is to anticipate it. If you know that moments of success bring a little extra pressure, you can plan for it. You can name the trigger, maybe it's media attention, maybe it's a new role on the team, or maybe it's your own perfectionism, and then pivot into a prepared response. That could be a routine, a phrase, or even a simple breath that anchors you back to the present. This ties into something I've talked about before: the triangle of state, physiology, focus, and language. When you start feeling the pull to shrink back, check your body first. Are you tight or small? Open up your posture and then shift your inner language. Instead of saying, don't mess this up, try, I've prepared for this. And finally refocus, not on the crowd, not on the end result, but on the very next action. One pass, one rep, one moment. Another helpful framework is the self-determination theory, which tells us that we thrive when three needs are met: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. So if an athlete is struggling with the fear of success, ask, do they feel like they still have a choice and control? That's autonomy. Do they feel confident in their skills, not just lucky? That's competence. And do they feel like they still belong even as their role changes? That's relatedness. If those three are supported, success feels less threatening. And one more piece, motivation styles. Some athletes light up when you frame things as growth and advancement. Others are steadier when you frame it as being reliable and consistent. Neither is wrong. But if the coaching message doesn't fit the athlete's style, success can feel scarier than it should. So what are some practical tools? For athletes, one very practical step is to practice receiving praise. Instead of deflecting, try accepting it with gratitude and specificity. Say, thanks, I've been working on my off-the-ball movement. It sounds simple, but it trains the brain not to treat positive attention as a threat. Another is keeping a small journal where you write down what you did well and what you're proud of and how you got there. That way, success becomes less about luck and more about repeatable actions. For coaches, the challenge is to normalize this pattern out loud. Say to your team, sometimes after a great performance, athletes actually pull back because the bar just moved higher. That's normal. And here's how we're going to deal with it. When you frame it as common, athletes don't feel so alone. And when you give feedback, make it more specific to controllable actions like effort, positioning, or decision making. So praise feels like something that they can keep repeating, not an impossible pedestal they have to live up to. And parents, you play a huge role too. Instead of putting your athlete on a pedestal after a good game, reflect back on the process. Say something like, I noticed how you kept pushing after you lost the ball, or I love the way you communicated with your teammates. That reminds them that your pride isn't conditional on big, flashy success. It's rooted in their effort, their growth, and their resilience. Fear of success doesn't just live on the field or the court. It shows up when students procrastinate after getting a good grade, or when professionals suddenly ghost an opportunity after a big breakthrough. The same tools can apply. Learning to accept positive feedback, grounding yourself in process, and building environments that support autonomy, competence, and belonging. So here's the takeaway: fear of success is real. It's not about doubting whether you can perform, but it's about fearing what comes after you do. But it doesn't have to hold you back. With awareness, preparation, and the right environment, success can expand your world instead of shrinking it. And if you're an athlete listening today, I challenge you to notice the next time you catch yourself pulling back, even just a little bit, just as things are going well. Pause, breathe, and remind yourself you built this. Don't be afraid to step fully into your success.

Speaker: 12:15

Until next time, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast, join our Facebook group, send in your stories and feedback. And if you're looking for a mental performance coach or want more information, go to www.becoming my strongerme.com. I can't wait to hear from you.