The Parent-Athlete Relationship

Parents are some of the most powerful influences in an athlete’s life. The car rides, sideline reactions, and dinner table conversations all leave lasting impressions that can either build confidence or increase pressure.

In this episode, I explore the parent–athlete relationship—what helps, what hurts, and how parents, coaches, and athletes themselves can create environments that support resilience, confidence, and joy in sport.

Whether you’re a parent on the sidelines, a coach guiding a team, or an athlete reflecting on your own experiences, this episode is filled with tools to make the parent–athlete relationship a force for growth.

Transcript

Speaker: 0:01

I'm Dr. Nassim Ebrahimi, and welcome to Becoming My Stronger Me, a podcast designed to help you become stronger in mind, body, and heart. In season two, the mental performance series, we'll explore the intricate relationship between mental performance, sports excellence, leadership, and personal growth to help you become your stronger you. Today we're talking about one of the most influential forces in an athlete's journey, the parent-athlete relationship. Athletes may spend hours with their coaches and teammates, but parents are there before and after practice. They're there in the car rides home, on the sidelines, and at the dinner table. And all of those interactions, big or small, shape how an athlete sees themselves, sees their sport, and sees their potential. Today we'll explore what helps, what hurts, and how parents and coaches and athletes themselves can build relationships that truly support growth. So why does that parent-athlete relationship matter? Sports psychology research has shown again and again that parents have an enormous impact on their child's experience in sport. A 2019 review in the Journal of Applied Sports Psychology found that when athletes perceived their parents as supportive rather than controlling, they reported higher confidence, stronger motivation, and more enjoyment. Conversely, when parents were over involved or critical, athletes were more likely to burn out or quit altogether. Think about it. The ride home from practice, the sideline reactions, and even the tone of voice after a tough loss, all of these are moments that leave lasting impressions. A supportive nod or a proud of your effort can lift an athlete's confidence, while a sigh of disappointment or silence can weigh them down for days. Let's talk about pressure when that parent support turns into stress. Parents almost always mean well when they push their kids. They want to see them succeed. But when encouragement crosses into pressure, it can backfire. For example, comments like you have to score today or don't waste this opportunity increase anxiety instead of confidence. Research on parental expectations has shown that when kids perceive the bar as impossibly high, they often play tight, they second guess themselves, or they avoid taking risks altogether. The fear of disappointing a parent becomes heavier than the joy of the game. Even nonverbal cues matter. Parents who pace, who grimace, or shake their heads on the sidelines may not even realize how much athletes notice. Kids are incredibly attuned to their parents' body language, and they often interpret it as judgment, even if the parent is just nervous. So the question for parents is: does my presence reduce my child's stress or add to it? One practical tip is to create a consistent pre-game routine. For example, instead of giving last-minute instructions in the car, which often adds pressure, use that time to play music or simply chat about non-sport topics. It signals to your child, I love you beyond what happens in this game. Now let's talk about praise and building confidence the right way. Praise is one of the most powerful tools a parent has, but it can cut both ways. If praise only focuses on outcomes like scoring, winning, or getting playtime, it can teach athletes that their worth is tied to results that sometimes they can't really control. Carol Dweck's research on growth mindset shows that praising effort, process, and strategies leads to greater resilience and motivation. So instead of saying, great job scoring the goal, you might say, I loved how hard you work to find space, or I noticed how you encourage your teammate after they made a mistake. This kind of praise reinforces behaviors athletes can repeat regardless of the scoreboard. And I've seen this play out firsthand. An athlete I worked with had parents who always asked, Did you win after games? Eventually, the athlete dreaded the car ride home. And when we shifted the parents' first question to, what's something you were proud of from today? The athlete's enjoyment and confidence started to rebound. That one shift reframed the sport as a space for growth, not just performance. And now let's talk about parents as a source of support, becoming that safe base. Support is about creating that secure foundation. Research on self-determination theory shows that athletes thrive when three basic needs are met: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. And parents can play a vital role in each of these. Autonomy means giving kids some control over their sport. That could be letting them choose which position to try or whether they want extra training. When we talk about competence, competence means reinforcing their skills. Saying things like, I saw how much faster your passes are getting. So that the athlete feels capable. And for relatedness, we want to make sure that the athlete feels loved and connected, regardless of the wins or the losses. Sometimes support is practical, like carpooling at 6 a.m. without complaint. Other times it's emotional, listening when your athlete vents without immediately offering solutions. One high school player once told me the best thing my dad does is just sit with me after a loss and not say anything until I'm ready to talk. That's what support looks like. And I also have some advice for coaches. Coaches are often the bridge between the parent and the athlete when we're talking about sports. Proactively addressing the parent-athlete relationship can prevent conflict and misalignment. Some coaches hold preseason meetings to explain what kind of feedback athletes need from their parents, things like cheering effort, not giving tactical instructions from the sidelines. For example, one coach I worked with asked parents to adopt three sideline rules. Encourage everyone, not just your child. Avoid coaching from the stands, and keep your body language positive. Parents reported feeling more involved in a supportive way with the team. And athletes reported less stress during games. Coaches who set these kinds of expectations help create an ecosystem where parents, athletes, and staff are all headed in the same direction. And here are some of my final thoughts for you. Here's what helps praise for effort and process, encouragement that reduces anxiety, and support that communicates unconditional love. What hurts the athlete? Well, excessive pressure, tying their worth to outcomes, or inconsistent support that leaves the athletes guessing where they stand. The parent athlete relationship is one of the most powerful influences in sport. Done well, it produces resilient, confident athletes who not only love the game, but carry those lessons into their lives. Done poorly, it can steal their joy, increase their anxiety, and drive athletes away from the very sport that they once loved. As parents and coaches and mentors, we all play a role in shaping these relationships. And the message we send, whether spoken or unspoken, matters deeply. At the end of the day, athletes don't just remember the games. They remember how we made them feel. Until next time, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast, join our Facebook group, send in your stories and feedback. And if you're looking for a mental performance coach or want more information, go to www.becoming my strongerme.com. I can't wait to hear from you.