Social Comparison

Comparing yourself to teammates, rivals, or even highlight reels on social media is nearly impossible to avoid. But when social comparison takes over, it can erode confidence, fuel anxiety, and impact mental health.

In this episode, Coach Nassim explores the psychology of social comparison, from Leon Festinger’s classic theory to modern research on how constant upward comparison undermines motivation and joy in sport. You’ll hear real-world examples of how comparison shows up in athletes’ lives, why it can be so damaging, and—most importantly—how to shift toward self-reference as the true measure of growth.

This episode offers practical strategies for athletes to track their own progress, tools for coaches to create growth-centered cultures, and guidance for parents to help their athletes build confidence without falling into the comparison trap.

Whether you’re a young athlete, a coach, or a parent, this conversation will help you reframe comparison and focus on what really matters: becoming stronger, day by day, against your own best self.

Transcript

Speaker: 0:01

I'm Dr. Nassim Ebrahimi, and welcome to Becoming My Stronger Me, a podcast designed to help you become stronger in mind, body, and heart. In season two, the mental performance series, we'll explore the intricate relationship between mental performance, sports excellence, leadership, and personal growth to help you become your stronger you. Today we're digging into something that shows up in nearly every athlete's journey: social comparison. Whether it's looking at teammates, sizing yourself up against rivals, or scrolling highlight reels on social media, comparison is everywhere. And while it's a part of being human, when it takes over, it can crush confidence, it can disrupt performance and take a toll on mental health. So in this episode, we'll explore the psychology behind social comparison, how it shows up in sports, and why it affects mental health, and most importantly, how to shift from measuring yourself against others to measuring yourself against yourself. So let's talk about the psychology of social comparison first. This idea isn't new. Psychologist Leon Festinger introduced social comparison theory in 1954. He argued that people evaluate their own abilities and opinions by comparing themselves to others. It was and still is a survival mechanism. If you lived in a tribe, you needed to know am I pulling my weight? Do I fit in? And in sports, those instincts play out every single day. Athletes compare times, stats, roles, recognition. And now in the digital age, those comparisons are amplified by social media, where the comparison is not to one or two teammates, but to thousands of athletes across the globe. There are two main directions comparisons go: upward comparisons and downward comparisons. Upward comparisons are when you look at someone you see as better. That can fuel inspiration. If they can do it, maybe I can too. But it can also leave you feeling inadequate. And then for downward comparisons, that's when you look at someone quote unquote below you. That might temporarily boost your confidence, but it can also breed complacency or arrogance. Studies in the Journal of Sports and Exercise Psychology and other sports psych journals show that heavy reliance on comparison predicts lower self-esteem, higher anxiety, and increased risk of burnout among young athletes. And the rise of social media has only magnified the exposure to this highlight real comparisons that rarely show the full story. So let's get specific about how it shows up in sports. Think about a high school soccer player who always checks the fitness test rankings. If he or she is not in the top three, they feel like they're failing, even though they've shaved maybe 30 seconds off their time on the mile since the preseason. The progress gets completely overshadowed by comparison. Or picture a gymnast scrolling Instagram, seeing flawless tumbling passes. What they don't see are the dozens of falls that happened before the camera even started rolling or clips that were never included. But the brain interprets it as everyone is perfect and I'm not good enough. Even at the most elite levels, comparison is rampant. A professional player who is a backup may constantly measure themselves against the starters. And that constant me versus them can really take away from their confidence, even when the backup has unique strengths that the team needs in other situations. And quite frankly, it's not just athletes. Coaches compare their teams to their rivals, parents compare their kids to their teammates, and the cycle continues. So why does this matter so much? Well, comparison ties self-worth to something you cannot control, and that's other people. If your confidence only rises when you kind of rank ahead and then it crashes when you don't, you're on a roller coaster of self-esteem. That instability fuels anxiety and sometimes even avoidance. You'd rather not even try than risk falling short compared to others. There's also the distraction factor. Athletes who fixate outward stop focusing inward. So instead of honing their controllables, their effort, their preparation, their mindset, they begin to chase external benchmarks that they can't control. And of course, that leads to frustration and negative self-talk. And for some, it could lead to burnout. One study in the frontiers of psychology showed that athletes who constantly compared themselves to teammates had lower motivation and less enjoyment of their sport. And in youth athletes, that loss of enjoyment is one of the biggest predictors of dropout. But here's the good news: comparison isn't destiny. Athletes can shift their reference point from others to themselves. The key question becomes am I improving compared to myself yesterday, last week, or even last season? Let's take a basketball player who struggles at free throws. If he or she only compares themselves to the team's best shooter, they'll always feel defeated. But if they track their own progress, say from 40% to 60%, they'll see their growth and that can fuel their confidence. So one strategy I recommend is keeping kind of a personal progress log or a reflection journal. And then write down metrics, whether it's shots made, sprints completed, heart rate recovery, and track those things daily and then look at it week to week. That way you can see your own trajectory, not just your rank compared to other people. Another shift comes from how feedback is given. Coaches and parents can use process praise, highlighting controllables like effort, focus, and resilience, saying things like, I loved how you kept working after a mistake, builds growth. Saying you were the best out there ties their worth to that fragile ranking system that hurts their self-esteem. And then there's mindfulness. When athletes catch themselves spiraling into comparison, grounding exercises like deep breathing, focusing on the next rep, or repeating a phrase like my race, my pace can interrupt the loop and bring them back to the things that they can control in the moment. Coaches and parents play a critical role here. Coaches, the culture you create matters. If you only celebrate leaders or publish rankings, you make comparison the dominant currency on your team. Instead, balance competition with growth. Highlight percentage improvements, celebrate effort in practice, not just the wins in the games. And parents, your role is just as powerful. Instead of asking, did you score more than your teammate? Ask, what did you learn today? That one question reframes the athlete's focus. And when your child succeeds, emphasize effort. I saw how much you've been working on your passing instead of putting them on a pedestal. These small shifts protect their mental health while still honoring competition. And remember, this isn't just about athletes. Adults fall into the same traps, comparing careers, salaries, houses, families. Social media fuels this constant upward comparison. But the antidote is the same. Measure yourself against your own growth. When you focus on your own process, your own improvement and your own journey, you stay grounded and more resilient. So here are a couple final thoughts. Social comparison will always exist. It's wired into us, but it doesn't have to control us. By shifting from how do I stack up against them to how am I growing compared to myself? Athletes can build confidence, protect their mental health, and stay engaged in the joy of sport. So here's my challenge for you. This week, notice one moment when you catch yourself comparing. Pause, and then ask yourself, what progress have I made this week or this month? That'll become your true measure of success. Until next time, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast, join our Facebook group, send in your stories and feedback. And if you're looking for a mental performance coach or want more information, go to www.becoming my strongerme.com. I can't wait to hear from you.